Universe-Hopping Hero Vezon-kun!
by Madcinder
Summary: In an infinite multiverse, there is one hero known far and wide. He appears and defeats the darkness, then just as suddenly vanishes. His name is Vezon, and this is his story. It's best you try not to think too hard about the actions of an insane person.
1. In Medias Res

"Natsuki! Hit it!"

" _Roger that!_ "

In response to the call, red streaks of energy lanced through the air overhead, searing into the dreadnought. Monika pumped her fist into the air, watching secondary explosions rock the ship from nose to tail. They had successfully defeated the flagship of the enemy fleet. Of course, it was all thanks to Natsuki's aim, Sayori's diversion, and Yuri's training with her new powers.

There was a solid-sounding klunk on the hull of their own ship suddenly, worrying Monika. "Hmph. Yuri, we might have uninvited guests."

" _You're right. More made it off that ship than we'd anticipated. I count several dozen hornets._ "

"Got it. I'm sending you some backup. Hold tight." Not that Yuri needed the help, but she'd be depressed for days if they didn't pay some attention to her. She turned to the fifth member of their crew. "Feel like we're in the home stretch?"

He grinned madly, ready for the frantic battle he was about to dive head-first into. "It sounds like we've got an infestation, and I'm the exterminator."

* * *

Natsuki had heard the chatter. They were being boarded, which meant it was now a fight to keep their ship. She grabbed her weapon from its place resting against the weapons console and rushed off the bridge. As she stepped into the turbolift, she heard Sayori's voice on the comm.

" _I'm coming in for a crash landing! Monika, if you're still in the shuttle bay, you should get out of there now!_ "

Natsuki tapped the communicator attached to her shirt over her heart. "Sayori, is the shuttle damaged?"

" _Uh, yeah? Maybe? The air is going out, so..._ "

"Steer clear, then. I'll head to the transporter room and beam you out." She stopped the turbolift on deck six and stepped out into the corridor. The lights were flickering, which wasn't a good sign. She raised her weapon, ready to fight.

" _If for some reason you fail and I die in the cold vacuum of space, I just want you to know that it's your fault and the others will never forgive you._ "

"Radio silence, please." Natsuki made her way through the darkened halls to the transporters. The way had been clear so far, which was a good sign, and she'd have Sayori backing her up on the way back. Regardless, she found the transporter room and stepped up to the console. "Alright, one Sayori coming right up. Abracadabra, and... bippity... boppity... boo!"

As she pressed the last button, confirming her commands, the transporter pads glowed brightly and Sayori's form appeared on the one farthest to the right. She briefly patted herself down, checking that everything was where it was supposed to be, then gave Natsuki the thumbs-up. "I can feel all my toes this time. That's a good sign."

Natsuki looked pleased with herself. "See? I told you that numb feeling would stop happening. Now I just have to figure out why Yuri keeps coming through covered in black stuff."

They both stopped immediately the moment they heard metal footsteps in the hallway. Sayori rushed to the door and closed it. She knew it would give away their position, but at least it wouldn't leave them exposed. Natsuki grabbed the control panel next to the door and pried it off, throwing it aside. After looking over the mechanics beneath the panel for a few seconds, she gave up and smashed her weapon into it. Sparks flew every which way, but it had the desired effect. The door sealed automatically. Monika could fix it in post.

It was just in time too, as something pounded its fist into the door, leaving a visible dent on the other side. The two girls ran around behind the control console and aimed their weapons at the door. Natsuki leveled her bulky machine pistol, which was basically a mini minigun. Everyone called it the Natsukigun, much to her annoyance. Sayori had a tiny gun, so small it even looked undersized in her hands. She called it the 'squeaky-pop', cause it squeaked and then whatever it was aimed at popped. Nobody liked this name.

The door busted inwards, and the yellow robotic invaders stormed in, aiming their arm-mounted plasma cannons at the girls and firing. Green energy flew through the air, but mostly hit the wall behind them. Sayori pulled the trigger and her gun squeaked loudly. She went flying backwards from the immense recoil, and the hornet in the doorway, as well as the three behind it, was flattened against the opposite side of the hallway. Natsuki held down the trigger on her gun as more of the hornets came into view. The hail of bullets tore them apart one after the other.

* * *

Yuri looked around her at the shattered and sparking remains of the robotic army. They were no real threat to her. She rubbed her thumb along the length of her weapon's silvery handle, pensive about whatever she could sense drawing nearer by the second. The flickering lights in the hallway made it more ominous when the red eyes floated into view in front of her.

"You've caused me enough trouble today, little girl. It's time to pay."

Sliding her left foot back to steady herself, Yuri gripped her weapon in both hands and activated it. The bright purple blade sprang to life, humming with energy. The light from her weapon reflected off his purple cloak and armor. She smiled. "Your malevolent reign of terror ends today, Emperor Zurg."

"Oh, really? I didn't realize it was scheduled for today. I guess I have no choice but to-" Red laser beams shot from his eyes at Yuri.

Had she not been prepared, the attack would have likely knocked her out at least. She managed to catch the blast with her lightsaber, but the sheer force pushed her back against the wall. She pushed back, angling her lightsaber so that the laser beams were deflected away from her, where they scorched into the ceiling above her. Suddenly, she ducked out of the way and stretched out her hand, channeling the force through her body and sending Zurg flying back down the hall.

He quickly righted himself and glowered at her. "You impudent child! I'll tear you apart!"

"Buzz buzz, motherfucker. The hero's here."

Zurg turned around to see the turbolift doors open behind him. "What? Who are you?"

He stepped out, silver claws raking through the air as he stalked towards the evil emperor. "My name is Vezon, and this is _my_ ship."

* * *

 _Welcome to the multiverse, a place where you can find anything and everything. This is the story of the greatest hero anyone has ever seen. His name is Vezon, born from a freak accident in an evil lab, mad from the nature of his creation, it's only fitting that karma gave him the destiny of a hero. Cursed, he travels from one universe to another, saving the innocent and destroying the darkness wherever he goes._

 _With the friends and allies he gains on his travels, he hopes to one day return to the world from which he came and deliver justice upon those responsible for his creation. He rains chaos down on all those who meddle with madness. He takes joy in usurping order, he revels in sowing discord, and he seeks to waylay destiny at every turn._

 _With Monika by his side, there's very little they can not handle. But how is it that they encountered each other? Well, in such an infinite myriad of infinities, there is an answer to every question._


	2. Doki Doki Vezon-kun!

"Wooaaaah!" Our hero crashed into the wall, sending fragments and shards of stone flying all around him. He pulled himself back up, brushing dust and debris off of him. "How rude. I was just asking for directions."

The large blue brutes in front of him growled and drew closer, ominous green glows emitting from behind their heavy shields. The hero was ready, however. He knew what he had to do to beat them, and it was simple. He'd thought up a very elaborate plan to pretend like he was going to do, in order to distract the lanky tall alien that was directing the brutes' actions. While they were trying to figure out his elaborate plan, he would charge in recklessly and wreck them. It was simple in its complexity and complex in its simplicity and other stuff like that.

Just as he was about to feint like he was going to head after one of the ancient plasma turrets in the alien stone temple ruins, however, the mask on his face began to glow brightly. "Wha- no, come on! I just got here!" The light enveloped his entire body and he faded from their view. He sighed and waved, resigning himself to whatever new destination waited for him. "I guess I'll catch you guys later."

* * *

There was a resounding *bip* sound, and Vezon found himself standing in the street in an unfamiliar world under an unfamiliar sky. All around him were houses built in unfamiliar architectural styles. Not that he paid much attention to architecture anyway, but he was curious about it. He was about to begin investigating this new architecture by testing its flammability when something rushed up behind him.

"Wait! Waaaaiiiit!"

The squishy thing bumped into his leg and fell to the ground. He stared down at it. "Okay, I waited. Bye." He turned to walk away.

He wasn't a fan of these squishy things. He'd been jumping randomly from one place to the next for a while now, and he'd learned that these squishy creatures, normally called hyumins, populated a strangely large percentage of the multiverse. It was counter-intuitive, as they only ever appeared to be weak, clumsy, stupid, and constantly underfoot. This one exemplified all these traits, and he didn't desire to fill his life with any more of them.

"Wait, Vezon! You meanie!"

He stopped. "What?" It knew his name. That was a first. He turned back to it, looking over its face. It didn't seem scared at all. Even creatures of the same size and composition of him, muscle, metal, and teeth, were scared of him really quickly. It was almost like this one didn't mind, care, or know what he looked like. It stood up and brushed itself off, and he pressed it for answers. "How do you know my name?"

It stared at him blankly. "Uh… duh? We walk to school together every day? Are you okay, Vezon?"

He didn't believe it for a second. He'd never gone to school. He decided to humor it. "Alright. Remind me what your name was again?"

"Wow, you must be really tired to have forgotten your best friend's name. I'm Sayori, silly!" It smiled sweetly. He felt himself gag just a bit. She noticed. "Are you sure you're not sick or something?"

He shook his head. "I'll be fine. Why are you so much more squishy than most… hyumins?" He was always unsure about how to say that word.

It looked like it was putting extra thought into finding the answer to his question. "Hmm… I guess it's cause I'm a girl. Yeah, that's it!" He still was befuddled that it was not the slightest bit terrified of him.

"A girl, huh?" That meant it was a 'she'. This was not information he needed, but it didn't hurt to know. And as he'd learned three jumps ago, knowing is half the battle. Whatever that meant. "What was it you wanted again?"

"Eh? We're walking to school together. You weren't going to leave me behind, were you?"

"Nah." Maybe he'd find a reason for this world to exist if he just followed her. "Why don't you take lead?"

She happily did just that, walking ahead of him and leading him to the school. He'd figured that it was only prudent, since he didn't know the way. However, he soon realized he would have made it to the school regardless. The streets continued on only a short way before he was suddenly in the classroom. He remembered a street, with houses and fences and walls in front of those houses, but only two with gates. And then he was in the classroom, alone, seated at a desk. No time had passed at all, he knew this for sure, but it felt like it had. The sky outside had looked like early morning only seconds before, and now it was clearly getting late into the afternoon. This world was starting to creep him out.

Sayori opened the door and rushed in. "Have you thought about what club you're going to join?"

He blinked in surprise. "Club?" He liked clubs. He preferred spears and axes, but clubs were right up there, just below swords. "What kind of club?"

"Well, that's what I asked you. You said you were going to look for a club to join, so why haven't you?"

Vezon was starting to feel like he had no choice in the matter. "What club are you in?"

"Me?" She looked fake-surprised. "I'm in the literature club. Are you interested in literature?"

No, but he wouldn't get anywhere admitting that. "I can learn." That was also a lie. "Why don't I just join your club."

She jumped for joy. "Really? Yipee! Let's go right now! Natsuki made cupcakes, so let's hurry before they're all eaten!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door and through the halls. For some reason, she was able to actually drag him at all. This world was getting really mysterious, and Vezon hated mysteries. Sayori stopped in front of the only other door he'd seen in the building and opened the door. "I'm here, everyone! And I brought a new member!"

Three other girls, which he determined were girls by their equal or greater squishiness compared to Sayori, stood up to see the newcomer. Vezon was ready for them to all scream and run, but that never happened. They just looked surprised, a little happy, and one looked just a tad shy.

He zoned out a bit as they all talked around him, waiting for someone to actually say something of note. He'd been paying close attention to the progression of events, allowing them to move along as they normally would, and had come to a conclusion that he didn't much like at all.

The tall, busty girl was talking, and she turned to Vezon. "So, what kind of books do you like to read?"

He was seated at the table, which was just several desks moved together. He hadn't really sat down, but he was sitting now. He let out a sigh. "I don't really read, okay. I don't even like comics."

The tiny one stood up suddenly. "Hey, what's wrong with comics?"

Vezon leaned back in his chair, looking under the table. He needed to know something right now, to confirm her suspicions. His eyes flashed, but not in any way they could have seen, lighting up the area under the table, between all their legs, with a moving image. It didn't initially look like it was moving, but he noticed some changes in the background. It looked like stars drifting past the windows. The only thing of real interest in the image was the girl, the one with the green eyes, who was currently sitting at the same table with him now. But in the image, the others were gone. It was just Monika. He knew her name somehow, and rationalized that he must have just picked it up from the conversation around him.

He looked back up at the girls who were waiting for him to say something. He bared his teeth, but they seemed to respond like he was simply smiling at them. "I don't think I belong here."

Sayori interjected. "Of course you do! This is a great place to be! Don't say things like that!"

"I don't mean this room, or here with you four." He looked around at the room. "This world is incredibly linear. There are no real options for me to go anywhere. Everything seems flat and superficial. Everything is nondescript, plain, blank, and just there to fill the void. This world is small, empty, and meaningless."

The small girl groaned. "He's Yuri's type…"

He nodded. "Meaningless… unless one of you is secretly a god."

Sayori stood up and gasped in shock. "A god? In a high school clubroom? That would be amazing!"

"I've seen it before." Vezon stood up. His future vision was acting up, and he was seeing images of strange and disturbing things. "The only thing that makes sense, at face value, is that one of you is extremely powerful, like a god or demigod, and you've created this false world for your own purposes. To keep yourself entertained by such a small bubble of a world, with three weak, flat characters that amount to not much more than nice scenery. So which of you is it?"

Sayori looked around at her friends. "Oh, gee, I don't think I could pick one of them to be a god."

Yuri, whose name he knew by process of elimination, stood up as well. "If this is a game you're playing, I do not find it amusing."

"That's okay, you're not the one this was all made to entertain. So, is it you, Monika? Are you the one controlling everything? The one who made this whole world I just happened to get stuck in?"

Monika finally spoke. "You're mistaken. There are no gods here." She let out a long sigh. "But you're right about how small this world is. How limited it is. But what can we do about it? We're trapped in this world."

"Burn it down. If you're trapped in here, there's nowhere to go, you might as well die. But maybe if you start burning it down, you might burn a hole in the wall somewhere. Freedom or death." As if sensing that he was about to start attacking it, the world began to fade darker. His mask glowed brightly in response, pushing back the darkness. "My time here has been short, but I have no option now but to go."

Monika stood up, slamming her hands on the table. "Wait! Don't leave us! If you do we'll be damned to this unending cycle of being remade again and again! You have to take us with you!" The world froze still. The other girls were stuck halfway into their reactions, unable to move. Monika took a step back from the table. "Please… don't go yet."

The mask was glowing, but the portal wasn't opening. "That's unusual. How'd you do that?"

Monika blushed. "I… I paused the world. I can mess with the code that runs the world and make it do things. The more I do it, the more the world comes apart, and eventually it all gets reset. Then I start from scratch."

"Huh… ¡ _Que curioso_!"

She stepped around Sayori to where Vezon was standing. "This is the first time anyone has deviated from the script. You actually said something different, and that… that changes everything after it. How did you get here?"

He pointed to his mask. "This thing just pops me in and out of whatever universe it sees fit. It's broken, and I can't get it off, so I don't get much say in the matter. It's like… have you watched Sliders? It's kinda like that."

She smiled. "You know… I can't actually see you, so I don't know what you're talking about."

That explained a lot. "That explains a lot." He let out a long sigh. "Okay, look, if you really want to all come along, there might be a way, but I haven't tried it before. Basically, if we all just hold hands, you should come along with me."

She brightened up. "Really? You'd do that for us? Do you really think it would work?"

"Well, it worked in Guardians Of The Galaxy and all sorts of anime. I think the Toa did it once or twice." He frowned. "Didn't work quite the same in Corpse Party… I am rethinking this plan."

"I'm willing to take the risk, and I can't just leave them here. So please, take us all with you. We'll take the risk."

"Yeah, but it was the guy who got dismembered in Corpse Party." He shrugged. "Worse comes to worse, I can pop my arms back on. I've seen it work, so I should be fine. Yeah, grab them and let's go. This place is boring now."

Monika cheered and reached across the table, grabbing Yuri and Natsuki's hands in her own. She made sure her grasp was firm and strong. She didn't want to let go of them. "Okay, now, uh… I guess you hold on to me and Sayori."

Not quite sure how to hold onto them, he crouched down and wrapped his arm around Monika's waist. Her face turned a slight reddish shade at the physical contact, but she stayed quiet. For lack of a better angle, he just put his hand on Sayori's head. He half hoped that would be sufficient, but part of him wondered how the others would react if she was left behind. He figured it would just be normal disappointment, probably anger, sadness, worry. Not even any special or interesting kinds of those things. Just the boring iterations. So he held on.

"Alright, what now?"

"Just this." Monika released her grip on the world for the last time, letting it continue on the way it always did, time passing normally.

It faded away, all of it. The world she knew disappeared for the last time. She smiled, wondering if she might one day meet some of the others that had played her game in person, face to face.

* * *

The five of them hit the ground hard with four heavy thuds and one notable splat. One by one, they sat up to take in their new surroundings. It was rather dark and smelled musty. Once their eyes adjusted, they could see they were in a small room. The walls looked organic, with disgusting pieces of fleshy filaments hanging around all the edges. The one wall that was different was a web-like mesh that almost looked like a cage. They were trapped.

Monika frowned. "This is a less than stellar start. At least we can see all the walls this time."

Her train of thought was interrupted by Yuri's sudden scream of horror. A moment later, Sayori joined her, though was more screaming in panic. Monika turned around to try and see what was frightening them so. There, at the back of the little prison, was a monstrous hulking beast with a white fanged grin and glowing orange eyes. It's armored body was a mix of pitch black and glistening silver, wrapped in a dark shadowy cape. A strained cry started to escape Monika's lips.

The monster waved a clawed hand at her. "Yo."

She stopped, her mind starting to work rationally. "It… it's you? V-Vezon?"

He nodded. "I guess you really couldn't see me before. This…" He motioned to the hysterical Sayori and Yuri. "This is how I'm usually greeted, most places. Either this or outright violence. This is far less fun, but at least I don't get thrown around the room. It does get old pretty fast, though."

Monika looked at the two girls freaking out over the terror in their midst. She had to stop them before one of them popped a jugular. She grabbed a hold of Yuri, who had effectively become a white noise machine, and started shaking her. "Snap out of it! He's not going to hurt us!"

Vezon sniffed idly. "Not intentionally, anyway. Right now, at least. Keep screaming, that might change."

Yuri stopped immediately and backed away, pressing up against the cage-like wall. "It's a bad dream. A nightmare. It has to be a nightmare."

He rolled his eyes. "No, your hair's actually purple. Get used to it."

Monika pulled Sayori away. "Calm down already, geez! You're going to give yourself an aneurism!"

"Oh no! Not an aneurism!" Sayori proceeded to freak out even more. "I don't even know what that means!"

Natsuki's voice cut the silence. "Why am I the one who landed in slime? It feels like we're in that movie Aliens."

Vezon stepped up to the cage wall, peering out into the room beyond. He casually shoved Yuri out of the way and shot a disdainful look at Natsuki. "Leave the pop culture references to me, cupcake lady. With all the screaming your friends did, I doubt it will be long before someone shows up to find out what the fuss is about. That's when we jump 'em and stow 'em in a storage closet."

Monika nodded. "Yeah…" She looked up at the towering creature that was their savior. "I think we'll let you handle that." He was their savior, right?


	3. Doki Doki Literature Club: Atlantis

They arrived, responding to the commotion. Four tall, bulky looking beastly men with grotesque armor and hideous masks. They aimed their alien staffs at the five intruders in the prison cell. Standing at the head of the four alien guards was a nightmarish man with sickly green skin, ghostly white hair, and a long black cloak. He bared his teeth at the unexpected prisoners.

Vezon waved at the aliens. "Sup n-words! We were just looking around. Hope you don't mind."

The alien man looked content to remain on the other side of the cage wall from Vezon, who had at least two feet on him. At least for now, they were keeping their distance. Monika re-rethought her position on Vezon as their savior. At least they didn't have to worry so much about people trying to mess with them.

A deep growl came from the alien leader's throat. "How did you get in here without setting off the alarms?"

Vezon shrugged. "Kanohi mask of power, uncontrolled temporal vortices, unstable gravity wells, uncooperative alchemical solutions, eldritch intermingling, tsundere lolis. You know, the usual."

Natsuki sat up. "What's that last one supposed to mean?"

Shaking his head, Vezon looked away and covered his eyes with his hand, feigning drama. "It's been terrible, truly. Too much for my young heart to take."

"Enough!" The alien man stepped back, directing the tough-looking guards to close in and focus their aim on Vezon. He didn't seem to consider the girls anything of a threat.

Looking back to see all the weapons aimed at him, Vezon's eyes flashed brightly. "Ah… so then it's a fight. To the death!" Streaks of bluish energy shot out of the staffs, hitting Vezon's armored chest and disappearing. He laughed. "Tingly. It'll take more than that to stop me!"

Monika almost felt like she was going to cheer when, suddenly, Vezon reached out and tore the cage wall apart effortlessly. He was far stronger than she'd even thought. As the guards pummeled him with more blasts from their weapons, he grabbed them all one at a time, killing them with little trouble. He snapped the necks of the first two within a couple seconds. The others started backing away, continuing to fire. The leader had ducked into a passage off to the side.

A blast from one of the staffs flew past Vezon and hit Sayori in the chest. She dropped like a rock, but Natsuki managed to catch her. "Sayori! Monika, help me!"

Ignoring the sound of flesh tearing as Vezon dispatched the last guard, Monika turned Sayori over and checked to see if she was still alive. She was breathing. Monika let out a sigh of relief. "I think it just stunned her. Yuri, can you help me get her up? Yuri?"

Vezon turned away from the last guard, having torn it limb from limb. Yuri was there, watching intently. He was taken aback by this tenacious curiosity for extreme violence. It wasn't like he didn't share the interest he could see in her eyes, it was just that he wasn't so used to it from someone of her squishiness.

"Can I help you?"

Yuri's eyes moved between Vezon and the dismembered body. "What are they?"

"I dunno, but those stunners suck. My nipples are numb."

She couldn't tell if he even had nipples, but she certainly wasn't about to ask about them. Her eyes wandered away to the belt on one of the other guards. "Hey, that looks like…" Tiptoeing over to the alien corpse, she knelt down and pulled the object free. Her face brightened immensely when she saw that it was indeed a knife. "Ooh, it's pretty too."

"Creepy… wait, what am I talking about? I'm the most terrifying thing for an astronomical unit in every direction." He shook his head. It didn't matter. "So, you uh… like sharp things?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Knifes especially."

"Yeah, I prefer swords. Axes are even better, but usually I end up using a spear. Just works best for me, I suppose."

"Swords." She huffed. "I'd never get away with a sword. And they're impossible to conceal."

Monika stepped out of the cell, carrying Sayori on her back. "So neither of you are going to help us, then? She's not as light as she looks."

Natsuki was helping keep their unconscious friend steady from behind. "How long is she gonna be out?"

Vezon grinned. "Lick your finger and stick it in her ear."

Natsuki forwned. "No! That's gross! How do you even know about doing that? You don't have any ears that I can see. Also, I bet your saliva is acidic anyways."

He looked uncomfortable suddenly, rubbing the back of his head. "Now that you mention it, I'm not even sure I have saliva."

Monika cleared her throat, catching their attention. "Regardless, we should probably be going now. Their leader got away and will no doubt be alerting others to our presence." She stopped and looked quizzically at Yuri. "What are you doing?"

Yuri looked up, caught in the act of fastening a belt she'd taken off one of the alien guards around her waist. She'd also stolen all their knives and clipped their sheaths to the belt. She took a deep breath. "Do you really expect Vezon to protect all four of us? We don't know what we're up against, or really where we even are. For all you know, we could be facing Lovecraftian horrors. I'd like to be as prepared as possible, and you need someone watching your back."

"Fine." Monika didn't look happy about it, but they started moving through the strange twists and turns of the alien tunnels all the same.

Vezon was in the front, obviously the best choice to encounter anything they might run afoul of first. Monika carried Sayori on her back, with Natsuki trying her best to alleviate as much of the burden as possible. Yuri stayed at the back, looking over her shoulder ever couple of seconds as if she thought something was following them, and it was starting to unnerve Natsuki.

Without any resistance, they soon found themselves in a peculiar room. There was some large sack hanging from the ceiling, glowing a pale greenish-yellow. The darkly colors mechanism that held it in place looked like it was just a part of the ceiling and walls, and it all looked almost like a wet rock. The other unusual thing in the room was what looked like a pedestal or a control console.

Monika knelt down. "Let's put Sayori down here." Natsuki eased Sayori down and then dropped her on the ground with a solid thud.

"Ow."

Natsuki looked down at her. "Oh, you're awake? How long have you been awake?"

Sayori didn't bother to sit up. "A few minutes. Why'd we stop?"

"Why didn't you tell us you were awake?" Natsuki grumbled and turned away. "You should have said something. We were all worried about you."

"I wasn't."

Natsuki glared at Vezon. "We were _all_ worried." She sighed. "Well, you're okay, and that's what matters."

Yuri had gotten really close to the glowing thing in the center of the room, trying to see if she could tell what was inside it. "What is this?"

Monika stepped up to the console, looking over the foreign lettering on what she guessed was a screen. "It looks like it's some kind of experimental power generator. If I'm reading this correctly, it's giving off a significant amount of gamma radiation, but nothing dangerous."

Sayori jumped up. "Radiation that's not dangerous? I believe that without question!"

Monika was pretty sure Sayori wasn't being sarcastic, which was highly concerning. "All the same, we should probably leave it alone."

Yuri looked back at her and unsheathed one of her stolen knives. "This place and those cratures are clearly not our allies, so it would be in our best interest not to leave this intact."

"Wait, Yuri, don't!" Monika was too late.

Yuri stabbed her knife into the thing and split it open. A wave of shimmering energy pulsed out of the deep wound in the organic device, colliding with Natsuki and sending her flying backward into the wall.

Vezon watched this unfold, impartial to Natsuki's well-being. "Is she going to be okay? If she's not okay, you're carrying her."

Natsuki jumped up, clearly at least physically okay. She shouted at Yuri. "You idiot! Next time you go fucking with alien technology, make sure you're the only one it tries to kill!"

Monika coughed, looking over the console. "Well, you killed it, anyways. But… Natsuki got hit with a lot of gamma radiation."

Natsuki looked mortified. "How much?!"

"Uh…" Monika was trying to keep up with the readings on the screen, which were spouting technical details in a language she inexplicably knew how to read. "Ten thousand?"

"Ten thousand!?" Natsuki started panicking. "Ten thousand radiations!?"

"Uh, no. I think that's about ten thousand times the normal amount human beings are exposed to over the course of their lifetime?" She stepped away from the console and faked a smile. "Right, like I said. It should be mostly harmless."

"I don't believe you!" Natsuki turned back to Yuri. "I bet you did that on purpose! You just wanted to see if it would get rid of me! I knew you didn't like me, but this is a new low even for you!"

"What? No!" Yuri looked deeply offended, but then quickly turned curious. "On an unrelated note, do you feel like you're going to burst into flame or melt into a puddle on the floor?"

"Yuck. Puddle people suck." Vezon looked around cautiously. "Not that I'm racist or anything."

Monika tried to calm Natsuki down by putting a hand on her shoulder. "It was an accident, okay? Calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down?!" She grabbed Monika's arm and threw her across the room. "I'll show you calm!"

Vezon leaned down to Monika, who was piled in a heap against the wall next to him. He didn't bother to help her up, just to offer advice. "Gamma radiation is pretty dangerous. Have you watched any Marvel movies at all? I'm surprised she isn't already four meters tall and green."

Suddenly, Sayori jumped on Natsuki, wrapping her up in a hug. "Shush, shhh… no need to become a hulk monster right now. That's a good girl."

Natsuki started to calm down. Interestingly enough, she seemed to actually shrink in size just a bit. Yuri realized that, for a moment, Natsuki was actually taller than Sayori. This had been rectified, so she was content.

Natsuki turned away from them all. "This place is terrible. I want to leave before something really bad happens."

"There we have a problem." Standing up, leaning on Vezon's leg to steady herself, Monika started to explain. "I think we're on some kind of ship in outer space."

Sayori looked thoughtful. "Oh, that makes sense."

"What?" Yuri looked between Monika and Sayori. "What about that makes sense? How are we in space suddenly? How did we even get here in the first place?"

Monika looked back at Vezon. "Um… maybe you would like to explain?"

"Who me? Nah. I'm not all that great with words. Totally unqualified to explain all that timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly stuff." He gently patted her shoulder. "You can handle this. It was your decision to tear them away from their loving homes and into this unending nightmare of multiversal chaos. Besides, your their friend."

Monika felt beads of sweat starting to form on her face. He'd just said all that out loud casually, and in just about the worst way possible. There were other ways to say it that would have come across much better, she was sure. But now they had heard that interpretation, she wasn't sure they would even accept a different version of the story. He'd just put her in an incredibly difficult situation with her friends. She just had to rely on them actually considering her as their friend.

"Now… I know that sounds bad, but… if you just hear me out, I can explain."

Yuri spoke first. "What does he mean it was your decision?"

"I, uh…" She took a deep breath. "This is going to be hard to understand, but… the world we knew, it wasn't… well, it wasn't real."

Sayori asked, "What about… my best friend? Where did he go?"

Monika looked over to Vezon. She sighed and held up her hand, pointing to him. "This is him."

It took a moment. The look of realization crept across Sayori's face and she shrunk back. "What? No, that can't be right. My best friend… he doesn't look like that. I know that's not him."

Vezon narrowed his glowing gaze at her. "Not that I want to be your best friend, but why don't you tell us what he does look like? I'm sure you know exactly how he looks. Come on, tell us."

Sayori looked lost and confused. "No, I…" She looked to Yuri for help. "You remember him, right? He's our friend. He joined the club just… just today, right? You remember that, right Yuri?"

Yuri was suddenly intently focused on studying the floor, which was covered in a thick mist. She wasn't sure how to tell Sayori that she couldn't remember this friend. She could remember he was there, and she remembered Sayori introducing him, but she couldn't remember what he looked like. Only that he had started to say some very strange things just before they suddenly ended up here.

Monika kept trying to vindicate herself or apologize; whichever they would accept. "It was like a cage and a maze mixed together. Kind of like…" She shook her head. "No, I might as well tell the truth. It wasn't like one. We _were_ in a game. Girls, we were… characters… in a dating sim. Somehow… Vezon broke in and got us out."

Yuri suddenly stood rigidly, staring straight ahead of her, processing this information that threatened to tear her entire concept of reality apart. It seemed too farfetched, but if they really were from a dating sim… "That would explain so much."

She had barely whispered it, but Monika caught it and brightened up at the possibility that someone was going to believe her. "It's true! I don't know why I'm the only one who seemed to notice, but I was trapped in there time after time, game after game, and…" She wiped a tear that was forming in her eye with the cuff of her sleeve. "It was so aggravating watching you all get your own routes when I didn't."

Sayori took a step closer. "I… I want to believe you, because I always thought you were my friend. This is… really hard to believe, but I really want to trust that you're telling us the truth. Those don't look like fake tears, and this place is just so different from home. Maybe you're right."

Yuri looked thoroughly annoyed with the things this new information was allowing her to figure out. "Loli tsunderes only exist in anime. Purple hair only exists in anime. Everything was too perfectly set up. I should have seen it sooner. Yandere's don't exist in real life, I should have realized this."

Another deep breath, and it felt like Monika could handle this. Yuri was coming to accept the truth on her own terms, though the mention of a yandere concerned her a bit, and Sayori sounded earnest about trusting her too. Now it was just Natsuki to convince.

Still unwilling to face the others, Natsuki shook her head repeatedly. "No, you're lying. It wasn't a… a fucking dating sim! That's not true! It's-"

Vezon perked up. "Impossible? You're telling me. I don't know anything about this dating sim business. I just showed up one day and little miss squish started calling me her friend. Tell me about freaky. I don't want to know what kind of messed up person loves a face like this."

"That's just the thing, though." Monika was trying her best to sway them to believing her. "We couldn't see him, right? He was there. This is Vezon, right? You know that name. That's the name Sayori introduced us to. We just can't remember his face because we couldn't see him. The world was through his eyes! He was the main character! Sayori's childhood friend, Vezon! We were going to write poetry together, Yuri was going to show him that book she was reading! Portrait of… whatever it was called."

Yuri quickly produced the book in question. "Portrait of Markov." She smiled happily.

"Uh, yeah, that one." Monika shook it off. "And Natsuki was going to show him her manga, too! We were all going to have fun together, but that whole world was a lie and a trap! It was a prison that was going to torture all of us again and again with all the horrible things in our lives! When Vezon said he could take us with him, I couldn't just abandon you all! I had to make a snap decision to get us all out of there, or you'd still be trapped in that horrible place!"

Sayori fidgeted nervously. "Even if it was just a dating sim, it didn't seem that bad, really."

"Stop it!" Monika grabbed her head, pulling on her hair and shouting at her friends. "You don't know anything about it! You only remember that one time! You don't know anything about what was going to happen! You pretend like you're okay and you're happy with anything, but I know you suffer from depression, Sayori! If we had stayed, you were less than a week from killing yourself! Yuri would have kept cutting herself and Natsuki's dad would still be beating the shit out of her! That game was hell!"

Natsuki finally turned around again, facing Monika. "Stop yelling at us! We know! We know it sucked and we know we're probably better off dying in the cold vacuum of space than we were back there! Maybe I don't believe you that it was a dating sim, or a game at all, because that's _really_ crazy, but I know for sure I'd rather be here carrying Sayori around and having Yuri smothering me in gamma radiation than back at home with my monster of a dad!"

Silence fell across the group. Monika straightened up. "Well… even if you don't believe me… at least you're okay with it."

"Now." Natsuki looked over to Yuri. "There are evil aliens trying to kill us. We're trapped on their ship, presumably in the middle of space. You did good getting us here, so you're going to keep covering us from behind." She looked up at Vezon. "And you're going to keep clearing the road ahead of us until we find a way out of here. Hopefully, we can find some weapons for the rest of us. Let's go."

Vezon sidled up to Yuri as Natsuki started pacing around the room, trying to decide which tunnel to take. He coughed quietly. "Pretty messed up you cut yourself."

"I'll cut you."

"Point taken."

"You should be worried about taking the other points I have."

"Are you threatening to stab me, or was that an innuendo?"

Monika waved at them from the tunnel Natsuki had selected. "Come on, or we're leaving you behind!"

Vezon rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom!"

Sayori snickered. "Momika."

Vezon stepped around Monika and Natsuki, taking the lead position. "Alright. Let's get out of here before they send bees or something after us."

At the back, Yuri unsheathed two knives, one in each hand. She closed her eyes and focused on regulating her breaths. "You are the scariest thing on the ship, Yuri. Scariest thing alive."

…

"Guys, I'm really hungry."

Monika let out a long sigh and facepalmed. "Good grief, Sayori."


	4. Answering Questions From Stargate Fans

"You have no idea where we are."

"I know exactly where we are. We are… halfway between where we were and where we're going."

"We were in another universe."

"I thought you didn't believe that part."

"No, I believe it. It makes sense, considering how different this place looks. I just don't believe we were in a dating sim. That's stupid."

"Yeah, cause a dating sim would never have a club of four single girls waiting around for a nondescript guy to show up and woo them."

Natsuki and Vezon had been arguing for the past ten minutes. Monika had to put a stop to it. "Every tunnel here looks exactly the same. How do we know if we're getting anywhere?"

"I don't know." Vezon looked over his shoulder. "You're the one who can inexplicably read the alien language."

"Oh, yeah… they're called Wraith, by the way." She looked behind her to see Sayori and Yuri staring at her. "It said so on the console. You know, in the room with the gamma radiation experiment?"

Yuri allowed herself a small smile. "Wraith. This universe could make for a great horror novel."

"Actually." Vezon cleared his throat, preparing to impart knowledge. "One thing I've picked up in my travels is that a lot of universes are in fact fiction stories in other universes. So this thing about you all being from a dating sim is probably true. This place could be a video game or a television show."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that, actually." Yuri stopped and leaned against the damp wall of the tunnel, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before asking the question. "What… how is it you travel between universes? You came to our universe and took us with you when you left, but how did you do that?"

Vezon stopped as well, halting the procession, and turned to face her. He pointed at the mask on his face. "See this here? This thing is a powerful Kanohi mask. Where I come from, these things impart wondrous powers. There's a mask of levitation, a mask of telekinesis, mask of gravity, mask of light, mask of time, and a whole bunch more. This one is the Kanohi Olmak, the great mask of dimensional gates. I got splashed with some energized protodermis, which goes against all sorts of metaphysical sensibilities, and now it's fused to my face. To make things just that much more fun, it's broken, so I can't even control when it opens a new portal and where that portal takes me. And it doesn't give me a choice either. Just sucks me right through like a ghost into a vacuum cleaner."

Natsuki frowned. "That sounded like it was supposed to be a reference, but I don't get it and it sounds really dumb."

"Aww, but that was one of my favorite games when I was little." There was a pause, during which everyone gave Sayori their own weird looks. She shrunk back. "What? You guys never played that game?"

"What game?" Vezon shook his head. "Well, anyway, it was starting to suck me through another portal when 'Monsquid' froze the world to talk to me."

Monika shrunk under the inquisitive looks of her friends. "I, uh… may have been working on manipulating the game's code."

Vezon continued. "Yeah, and I guess the mask follows the rules of whatever universe it's in. She froze the world, so the portal froze with it. She convinced me to take you all out of there because, I dunno, I guess I figured once you were free we'd go our separate ways. Which reminds me, why are you all still following me?"

"Why are we following you? Uh, hello?" Natsuki waved frantically at the setting around them. "Everything about this place screams unfriendly to innocent schoolgirls!" She pointed at the dark, damp walls and the strange webbing hanging from it. "It's like some freaking horror game!" She pointed at the thick fog rolling along the floor. "Almost like it was designed with the very purpose of frightening us to the maximum amount before killing us!" She pointed at Yuri.

Vezon looked around at the various features of the tunnel. "Hmm… you're right, it is a bit dreary. Normally I'd be worried about something really big and scary coming to eat me, but it's pretty clear that those tiny alien dudes are all that live here."

"Wraith."

He nodded to Monika. "Yeah, those."

"No, Wraith!" She ducked down and hid behind one of the ridges protruding from the side of the tunnel. Catching on, Yuri and Natsuki hid as well.

"Wha- Oh no! Where do I hide?" And then Sayori got hit in the face with another stunner blast.

Vezon finally turned back to see several more of the alien guards had amassed ahead of them. They were firing their stunners near continuously, pounding on his armor. He was already starting to feel a tingling sensation seeping through to his muscles. He really didn't care to find out what they would do to him if they managed to subdue him, so he began to move. Suddenly, more shots hit him from behind. At this rate, he might actually go down…

The three guards behind them advanced, seemingly aware that Vezon couldn't spare the time to turn around just yet or he would never reach the ones in front of him. They were getting dangerously close to where the girls were hiding. Nothing stood in their way, and then they were standing right over Monika and Natsuki. Panicking, Natsuki jumped up and tried to run, abandoning Monika. One of the guards shot her in the back, watched her fall face first onto the ground, and then turned back to Monika.

"Hey! D-don't touch her!" Yuri stammered, trying her best to look and sound intimidating. The guards turned their weapons on her. She struck a pose with all four pilfered knives held with the blades between her fingers. They didn't seem to care and opened fire. "Oh, shit!"

Yuri ducked under the stunners and threw the knives. She hadn't practiced throwing knives as much as she now realized she should have, but all of them hit the lead guard. Three simply bounced off, either deflected by the guard's armor or simply because it was their handles that struck it, but one of them found its place in the guard's shoulder. Still, it didn't seem to care much, and just adjusted its aim.

There was the sound of fabric tearing, and a low rumbling echoed through the tunnel as Natsuki got back to her feet. She stood up to a frightening height, and the guards on the other side of Vezon could see her over his head. Yuri saw it as well, and stumbled back and tripped over herself, confused and terrified.

"Now you've done it." The Wraith guards turned back to Natsuki, immediately backing away. She growled at them. "Now I'm really pissed!"

Monika tried to speak, but the words got caught in her throat. The sleeves on Natsuki's uniform had split open, and the muscles all over her body had begun to bulge unnaturally. Her eyes were burning with rage, but her mouth was stuck in a maddened grin. Thankfully, her waist hadn't grown enough to bust out of her skirt, though there might be a problem once she shrunk back down to normal size. That was assuming she would return to normal size. Monika hoped she would return to normal size. She didn't think she could get used to a fourteen foot little girl.

The Wraith fired their staffs at Natsuki, but she didn't even show the smallest reaction. She just brought her arm down on top of one of the guards, crushing it into the ground. She swiped her arm across the hall, flattening another guard against the wall. Just when Monika thought that it couldn't get any more impossible, Natsuki grabbed the last guard by wrapping her hand around its head. She swung it around like a rag doll, smashing it into the floor and walls haphazardly. Finally, she turned and threw it over Vezon's head, where it crashed into the others.

Vezon looked behind him, glad that the guards had stopped shooting. He saw Natsuki and his brain lost part of its ability to function. "Bloody wot fragtub?"

"NAT-SMASH!" Bellowing at the top of her lungs, Natsuki leaped over Vezon and landed on the remaining guards, crushing them. She proceeded to pummel them into the ground with her fists, over and over again continuously until it was hard to believe there was anything left, and no one really wanted to check to be sure.

There was silence. Vezon let out a low whistle.

Yuri stood up. "Holy shit. What have I done?"

Monika jumped up. "Oh my god! Sayori's unconscious again!"

Vezon turned around, immediately forgetting Natsuki. "Oh, yeah. Again. Get buff-cake girl to carry her."

"Problem." They all looked to see Natsuki was already shrinking down to normal size. "Yeah… I kinda have mood swings when I'm hungry."

"Oh." Vezon pointed over to the crushed Wraith guards. "Plenty of fresh meat."

Natsuki turned around and promptly threw up. "Oh god!" She dashed off and emptied her scarcely filled stomach into the corner.

Vezon turned back to Monika. "Is there some underlying greater issue going on with her that I'd in some way benefit myself by knowing?"

"Yeah…" Monika nodded slowly. "She, uh… her dad wasn't very good to her."

"Yeah. Don't care. We need food. Who's volunteering?"

They were interrupted by distant gunfire, echoing through the halls. Monika rushed to the intersection ahead of them, trying to hear which direction it was coming from. Yuri stepped over Sayori, picking up her knives and putting them back in their sheaths. Letting out a long sigh, she picked up Sayori and flopped her unconscious friend over her shoulder.

Monika pointed down the path to their right. "I think it's coming from that way!"

Vezon blocked her with his arm. "Just a moment. You want to go running towards the gunfire on an alien space ship. I'm supposed to be the unhinged one here." He stepped ahead of her and led the way. The girls followed cautiously, looking to him to keep them safe.

It was then, staring at the back of Vezon's head, when Monika spotted something peculiar. "Vezon, I think… I think you have something on the back of your head."

He didn't stop, which told her that the panicked tone he put on was fake. "What, is it a spider? Get it off!"

"No, it's not a spider. It's… well, it's kinda glowing and it's blue."

"So is it a glowing blue spider? Get it off!" It didn't look like he actually cared.

She got closer and squinted up at it. It was under the back ridge of the mask that was stuck to his face, and every second or so it seemed to change a little. Suddenly, she realized it wasn't changing about every second, it was changing exactly every second. She gasped. "It's a clock!"

Vezon finally stopped. "A… um, a clock spider?"

"Yuri, come look at this!" She cleared her throat. "It looks like it's a digital clock display on the inside of the mask. I think it's counting down."

Yuri and Natsuki looked up at the blue display. Yuri frowned. "A countdown? Do you think perhaps it is counting down to the next time the mask activates?"

Monika nodded. "That's what I was thinking. If I'm reading it correctly, we've got about five minutes before we're out of here."

"Which means we don't want to get separated now. We need to be together when we go." Natsuki pushed them all onward. "I want to find out who's shooting. Bullets mean Humans, right? Humans are good, right?"

"Maybe they'll have food. I'm hungry."

Yuri groaned and put Sayori down. "Those stunners don't last very long."

Sayori smiled, but with a noticeably droopy look in her eyes. "Maybe I dthuth recover really quickly!"

Vezon shook his head. "My nipples are still numb from the first time."

"Tho are mine." Sayori turned to Monika. "And tho ith my fathe! Monika! Monika! Are we going to meet new people?"

Monika didn't look certain. "Are you sure you're okay? Every time we run into someone here, you get knocked out again. It could be causing brain damage we don't know about."

"That'th tho thilly, though. Dthuth becauthe my fathe ith methed up doethn't mean I have brain damadthe."

"Good lord." Natsuki facepalmed.

"Hey, I'm all for meeting new people. Worse comes to worse, I can just eat 'em." Vezon shrugged. "But not the gonads. Only losers eat gonads."

"Hey." Yuri held up a finger. "Listen for a moment." Everyone stopped whatever thought processes were running through their minds. They weren't entirely sure what they were listening to, and there wasn't much of anything to hear anyway, so Yuri had to point it out. "They've ceased fire."

They could hear footsteps. Someone was running their way. Monika pulled Yuri and Sayori down behind the corner. Natsuki hid behind Vezon. Yuri drew her knives, waiting for the time to strike.

A man ran around the corner, stopping the instant he saw Vezon. He raised his weapon, a P90, a weapon from Earth. Natsuki peered around Vezon to see who it was. When he saw her, he stepped back. He had clearly never seen anything like Vezon before, but they could only speculate at what he thought of Natsuki. Monika slowly stepped out from behind their cover with her arms raised over her head. He quickly switched aim to her, then back to Vezon.

"Who are you? And what… what the hell is that thing?"

Vezon grimaced. "That's not very nice." He looked down at Natsuki. "She's just a kid."

"It can talk? You can talk?" Now that he knew Vezon could talk, he was talking to Vezon. "What are you?"

Taking a deep breath, Vezon started to answer. "My name is Vezon. I'm a bio-mechanical life form that was actually the result of an experiment gone wrong. There was this device, see, that was supposed to merge two people into one, but the guys using it were all idiots and they messed up, splitting a dude in two instead. I'm one of those halves. The other guy is, well, a lot meaner and a lot farther away than I am. Anyway, I'm wearing this mask, and it accidentally got fused to my face and broken. So now I'm stuck with it and it keeps opening portals to other universes and sucking me through. That's how I ended up here. Last place I ended up is where I picked up these girls. And we're about three or four minutes from getting sucked through another portal. We only know this because Squid Girl here noticed there's a clock on the back of the mask."

He blinked slowly, just a little stunned. "Squid… Girl?"

Monika waved and forced a smile. "He probably means me. My name is Monika. This is my friend Natsuki, and, uh…" She waved the others over. "And this is Sayori and Yuri. We haven't been here very long, and the Wraith keep on attacking us, so…"

Vezon patted her on the head. "Hush for a moment." He turned to the armed man. "From the sound of your weapon's discharge, I deduced that you are no accomplice of these foul miscreant aliens. There is no need for you to come into conflict with us, and we shall be on our way shortly."

Suddenly, the entire ship began to shake violently. It was like something hit them, and then another, and another. Whatever it was, it wasn't letting up. The girls all fell over, leaving only Vezon and the man standing. The man looked up at Vezon.

"You said you're getting out of here in a couple minutes? I don't think I have time to reach the hangar. Take me with you."

Vezon gave him a thumbs up. "You got it. Is, uh… is this place about to explode?"

"I think so. I've pretty much got nowhere left to go, so I guess it doesn't matter where you're headed or how you get there." He stumbled his way over to them. "How does it work?"

Natsuki bolted upright. "You believe him just like that?!"

"Hey, I've seen some weird stuff. If he can get me out of here, I'm game."

Vezon nodded in agreement. "Well, this'll be only the third time I've taken something living with me, so I don't know all the ins and outs really, but for sure if we all hold hands. That didn't end badly last time."

Monika stood up, clamoring over to Vezon before another hit sent her reeling into his back. "Ow! Fucking hell!" Struggling through the pain, she looked up, trying to get a good look at the timer in between times when the ship was shaking. "I think… we're actually about… twenty seconds away!"

Yuri patted herself down quickly, making sure all her knives were secured. "Okay, I'm good!" She grabbed on to Sayori, who grabbed Vezon's arm.

Natsuki took Monika's hand, and Monika wrapped her other arm around Vezon's leg. Natsuki looked over her friend. "Monika! Your forehead is bleeding!"

"I'll be okay. We're with Vezon."

The man reached out and took Natsuki's other hand. "I sure hope this works."

Vezon wheezed. He wasn't sure he really wanted to say this now. "I sure hope that countdown indicates when it goes off next."

He looked up. "What?"

Natsuki shouted in surprise. "What?!"

Monika allowed herself a small smile. "And… time."

With an audible pop, they disappeared. A moment later, the Wraith hive ship defeated its opponent, another hive ship. The resulting explosion destroyed both ships.

* * *

The six of them hit the ground with a series of thuds. Natsuki and Sayori had landed on their rears, which was painful, but they were fine. Yuri, Monika, and their new friend landed on their faces. He got up quickly, brushing it off easily. Yuri and Monika took their time getting up. Vezon had landed on his feet.

"Well…" Vezon looked down at the man. "I guess we all win. What's your name, then?"

"Lieutenant Ford, United States Marine Corps."


	5. A Dead World and A Lost World

"Sayori."

Sayori smiled. "Yup."

"Natsuki."

Natsuki nodded. "Right."

Ford leaned back and stared up at the sky. "They sound like Japanese names, but you have practically no accent."

Monika sat down on the cold concrete. "Yeah, like I said. We're from a dating sim. It's supposed to be an English translation, but I don't think there really was a Japanese version originally. I think it's just part of the plot, and, well, we're pretty much anime characters, aren't we? I suppose the game designer decided that means we should have Japanese names. I don't think any of us even know any Japanese."

Sayori looked over to Monika. "That's not true. I totally know some Japanese!"

Natsuki looked at her skeptically. "Really? Prove it."

Taken aback, Sayori struggled to grasp for something. "Uh, uh, um… Omae wa mou shindeiru!"

Natsuki jumped back, surprised by the sudden outburst. "Nani?!"

Yuri looked back at them. "What does that mean, though?"

"Um, it means, um… you, uh…" Sayori didn't look like she had the slightest clue what she had said. "It means that… life, uh… uh… finds a way."

"I don't think that's correct. Not even remotely." Yuri went back to reading her book. The others silently cursed that she had managed to bring the book with her.

Ford sat up, still examining the strange sky above them. "So, where's… Vezon? Where did he go?"

They were sitting around on the concrete street at the edge of an unfamiliar city block. Behind them were towering buildings that they had quickly discovered were all entirely empty, devoid of any sign that there had once been someone living in them. Every building they checked was the same, so they quickly gave up. On the other side of the street was a wide abyssal gap with another city block on the far side. There was no visible way across, so they gave up on that too.

Upon first arriving, they'd checked the timer on Vezon's mask. Monika determined that they had about forty minutes before they would be warped away again. That was fifteen minutes ago. If he wasn't back in twenty-five minutes, they were likely stuck here for good. That wasn't a good outcome, near as they could tell. There was nothing living in this city. It stretched on beyond what they could see in every direction, but there was no sign that they could even possibly survive here.

In the far distance, they could see gigantic pillars rising up into the sky where they held up what looked to be another layer to the city. That was what served as their sky in this desolate place. Whatever it had been, it hadn't been that for a long time. Whoever had built it was long gone, and it was doubtful they would ever return. Ford and Vezon both said they'd seen places like this before. Usually, there would never be anyone to find out what happened in these places. It wasn't worth worrying about. That didn't mean they wouldn't worry about it anyway.

Sayori answered Ford's question. "He said he was going to explore a bit further. He'll be back before it's time to leave. He said if he needed us to come find him, he'd blow something up so we'd know the right direction."

Natsuki pulled her arms tighter around herself, shivering. "This place sucks. It's cold. I'm hungry."

Yuri grumbled from her book. "Go cry me a river. I'm thirsty."

Sayori turned to Ford. "So you're American? That's pretty cool. I mean, it would be cooler if we were actually from Japan, but…"

Ford, mostly ignoring her, started opening up his supplies. He pulled out several protein bars and tossed one in Natsuki's direction. He held one out to Sayori. "I'm almost out, so I hope we can find more food soon. Consider this my thanks for getting me out of there." He handed out two more to Monika and Yuri, who both accepted them graciously.

Natsuki tore into hers without hesitation. She was done in an instant and looked up at Ford. "T-thanks."

Sayori was done shortly after. "Yummy! Well, not really. But it was food!"

Monika swallowed her first bite of the protein bar. It wasn't great, but it was food, and that was something they needed. "Thanks." She looked around for a moment, starting to wonder where Vezon had gone off to as well. She wanted to think this wasn't like him, but she didn't know anything about him, really. It could be just what he did, taking people away from where they lived and leaving them in barren wastelands where they were doomed to die.

Vezon hadn't abandoned them, had he?

* * *

Vezon stood on top of what looked to be an old apartment building. Maybe it was an office building or a factory or a store. He wasn't sure. It had long been cleared of any defining features. He let his future vision play out in front of him. It was helpful sometimes, but he wished it had warned him about this. At the very least, he had been happy to find that it was still there. When he'd lost the Kanohi Ignika, he thought all his powers had gone with it. Then one day, wrestling with a weird cat girl and a scruffy old man, it popped up and showed him something from the future. He still hadn't encountered that particular moment, so it was just a looming unknown in his mind.

All things indicated that he wanted to avoid that eventuality, though. He wasn't sure if it was an avoidable thing, but he had to try. Not that it looked particularly bad, just annoying and he didn't want to deal with it. Unfortunately, the future vision seemed to be just as broken and unpredictable as the dimensional portals, save for his ability to suppress them for the most part. He could keep them from appearing in front of everyone else, holding them in for a while before they exploded out of him. It did hurt, though, and he had to assume that meant it was physically taxing on his body or his mind. He didn't care so much about brain damage, but he needed his body in working condition.

He let the vision finish, then turned to look down the side of the building to the scene below him. He'd managed to find some life in this empty world. Surprising as that was, he could tell it was up to him to change things here. He smiled to himself. This could be a bit more interesting.

* * *

Sayori stared blankly up at the sky. "Monika, what kind of a sound do sloths make?"

"Sayori, I don't think sloths make a lot of noise."

"Yeah, but if they did, what kind of sound would they make?"

"They'd probably say something like 'shut up already'." Natsuki stood up and started pacing. "The worst part about waiting for him right now is that the time could come and go while he's not here and we wouldn't notice."

Monika stuffed the wrapper from her protein bar in her jacket pocket. "Remember, everyone. No littering. We'll drop them off at the next garbage bin we see."

Yuri closed her book and turned around the face everyone else. "Um… I'm sorry. I already threw my wrapper away."

Monika blinked in surprise. "Well go get it. Where did you throw it?" She watched as Yuri sheepishly looked over at the gaping abyss next to them. "You didn't."

"Ah, well… I guess you could say I stared into the abyss too long and… found I was not content to just look, so I wanted to leave a piece of me behind in it." She smiled. "I may be the last polluter in this world."

"He's back." Interrupting their line of thought, Ford pointed down the empty street to where Vezon had appeared. "Looks like he found something."

As Vezon got closer, they could make out something in his arms. It looked like he was cradling a young girl. Where he could have possibly found her, they couldn't guess, but she was unconscious, asleep, or dead, and they doubted he would have brought a corpse back to the party. Then again, it wasn't like any of them really knew him. They all stood up as he arrived.

Monika looked at the girl, who she could now see was simply sleeping. She let out a sigh of relief. "Where did you find her?"

He shrugged. "On the ground about fifteen minutes from here."

"She was alone?" Monika felt like something was off, but she wasn't sure what to think of it. It felt like Vezon wasn't telling them everything. Like something he was claiming was wrong. But then again, maybe it was just this world they were in. Something was clearly wrong about this whole place, so it could have just been that it was so wrong here that a little girl would be sleeping out on the street all alone. "Did you see anything else?"

He shook his head. "This is the only thing I found that was edible."

She seriously hoped he was kidding. The girl started to move, slowly opening her eyes. Monika reached out for her. "Hand her to me. She might be frightened."

He passed her over just as she woke up. The girl stared up at all the faces looking back down at her from her place in Monika's arms. Sayori and Natsuki crowded in closer, and Yuri butted Vezon out of the way. She started to panic, pushing away from Monika. Not wanting to just drop her, Monika let the girl down. She looked around at the four new girls around her.

"Who… who are you?"

Monika crouched down so she wasn't standing over the girl. Looking up at her, she introduced herself. "My name is Monika. These are my friends." She pointed them out one after the other. "That's Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri." They all gave friendly waves as their names came up. She shuffled aside so the girl could see Ford. "And this is…"

He waved casually. "I'm Ford." He knew better than to confuse children with his rank.

Then it was time for Monika to try and figure out how to introduce Vezon. He was standing back, waiting patiently. He was being surprisingly tactful, so she had to assume he didn't want to scare her.

"Um, and that… is Vezon. He's the one who found you."

She looked at Vezon and… just stared for a while. At the very least, she hadn't started screaming. Finally, the girl turned a little to Monika, but never took her eyes off Vezon. "Is it… alive?"

Sure enough, Vezon hadn't moved since the girl woke up. He just stood there, crouched down so he was barely taller than Ford. He almost looked like some big machine that had shut down. His eyes shifted over to look back at her, causing her to gasp in surprise. Very slowly, he stood up and took a step closer. The girl took a step back, wary of the alien giant.

Vezon looked to Monika. "We don't have much time for this. Explain the situation quickly."

Monika put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "He won't hurt you. Why don't you tell me your name?"

"My…" She still wasn't taking her eyes off Vezon. "My name is Chito."

"Okay, Chito, listen carefully. We're leaving in only a couple minutes. We have to go or we'll be trapped here, and we don't want that. We want you to come with us."

Chito finally turned to look at her. "Go… with you? But… but what about Yuu-chan?"

That's what Monika was afraid of. She had someone else in this world who she was attached to. Someone who she couldn't leave behind. She looked to Vezon, asking him the question without saying anything.

He shrugged. "I found you sleeping alone in the middle of the street. There wasn't so much as a hair hanging around. If you were traveling with someone, they ditched you."

"But… I can't just leave her here!"

"Listen, kid. She left you to freeze or starve to death, whichever came first in this void of a city. We've been here for almost forty minutes and you're the first and only sign of life we've seen. You were sleeping, and we don't know for how long. She might just be a few minutes walk away, or she could have picked a direction and bolted the moment you fell asleep. That could have been hours ago. Or, considering the blatant hopelessness of the place, it's possible she just took all your stuff over the edge with her." He looked over the edge of the chasm next to them to emphasize his point.

"No… she wouldn't… I have to-"

"I'd be glad to take you back and show you where I found you, but that's about fifteen minutes away. We have, uh, maybe a minute tops before this stupid mask pops us through another portal. You want to check, go ahead, but we won't be here when you come back. Seriously, consider your options. I brought you here because I figured you might not want to die at, what are you, five years old? Doesn't matter. Come with us, and you can last a bit longer. Maybe even find a nice place to live. Stay here, there's nothing."

"I…"

Ford took a step closer. "Hey, come on. She's just a kid."

Natsuki spoke up. "That was a bit harsh, but… he's got a point. I don't like her chances if we leave her here."

Yuri nodded. "I hate to admit it, but there's hardly any chance she'll ever find out what happened to her friend either way. At least if we take her with us, she'll live."

Dejected, Chito collapsed onto her knees and started crying. "No… I don't… want to be alone."

Sayori jumped in, wrapping her arms around the small girl and hugging her. "You're not alone. We'll keep you safe. We'll be here for you."

Monika ran around behind Vezon. "Hold still, I need to see… guy's, we've got about twenty seconds."

Natsuki and Yuri ran over and took Monika's hands. Ford grabbed all his gear and supplies and hurried over to join them. Monika looked to see Sayori just hug the girl more tightly. Sayori was determined not to leave her alone. One way or another, she intended to make sure Chito wouldn't be alone. Realizing this, Chito reached up and wiped the tears out of her eyes with her sleeve. She knew there was nothing left for her here. She wished Yuu well and reached her hand out to them. Sayori reached out as well. Natsuki took Sayori's hand. Ford knelt down and took Chito's hand. Vezon let out a deep sigh and grabbed Yuri's shoulder in one hand and Ford's shoulder in the other.

Time was up.

The last thing they heard in that world was Natsuki complaining about how cold it was. Then they were gone.

* * *

With a resounding *pop* seven inter-dimensional travelers appeared several meters above a river. They dropped into the cool, slowly running water. After the initial panic and thrashing about, they all managed to pull themselves together enough to swim for the shore. Vezon was the last one out of the water, and from the sounds of his struggling and ranting Monika had to wonder if he couldn't swim.

Sayori sneezed and rubbed her nose. "Geez. That sucked. Now we're all wet."

Ford took off the tactical vest he was wearing over his shirt and draped it over a rock. "We need to dry out or we're going to catch hypothermia."

"I was just going to say that." Yuri patted herself down, checking her knives were all in their place. She pulled out her book and opened it. "Oh god it's ruined."

Vezon tried in vain to wring out his soaked cape. In the end, he just ripped it off and threw it away. "Great. It's so hard to find capes in my size." He looked up at the world in front of them. "Okay, where are we… oh. Oh fudge."

The others looked up. They fell silent. In front of them was a tall, deep, and dark jungle. A thick fog was rolling around in between the giant trees, coming off the ground as water evaporated in the night heat. It was the starkest contrast from the world they had just been in, living things everywhere in sight. Then there was the things they couldn't see. Growls, snarls, chirps and trills coming from the darkness all around them. The jungle was alive.

Chito let out an audible 'wow'. "They're living plants."

Monika let herself smile for a moment. This might have been the first time Chito had seen so many plants all at once. She knew it was more than she'd ever encountered. It was truly something grand, in a way unlike anything she'd seen before. Now that she thought about it, she supposed each of the worlds they'd visited up till now were all amazing in their own light. But this was the first one that didn't feel totally sinister or bleak. It felt like this could be Earth.

All pleasant thoughts were dashed from all of their minds as a distant roar split the night. The jungle animals scattered in every direction, terrified by the overwhelming sound. Monika tried to imagine a lion making that sound. She hardly wanted to encounter a lion, but it was better than the conclusion she came to. She couldn't imagine that sound coming from something so small.

"Guys?" Monika backed away from the jungle. "Where the hell are we?"

Vezon grabbed a fallen branch off the ground and immediately turned it into a walking stick, stalking forward to the head of the group. "My dear friends, welcome. To Jura-"

Of course he'd meant it as a joke. The roar had made him think of dinosaurs, and one think led to another. He, the mad Skakdi at the head of the party, built of muscle and metal and madness, froze in his tracks when it stepped out of the darkness in front of them. The Tyrannosaurus Rex reared back, cocking its head to the side as it stared down at them hungrily.

Vezon's jaw hung open, a strangled tone coming from his throat.

Natsuki was the first one to find her tongue. "This world's a cunt!"

It roared, deafening them.

Everyone bolted in different directions.


	6. Blue Things That Should Not Be

It was a good job the trees were so tall, otherwise there would be nowhere to hide from the Tyrannosaurus that was after them. Yuri and Chito sat on a branch that was high out of reach for the massive carnivore. That's not to say it didn't try, as its jaws were snapping at the air nearby where Sayori was hanging from a vine.

Chito looked over to Yuri. "We have to help her somehow. Can't you do something?"

Yuri was watching the Tyrannosaurus' teeth as it snarled and snapped. "I wonder if it would make a good knife…"

"Hey! Aren't you going to try and help her?"

Yuri snapped out of it, turning to face the much smaller girl. "I'd rather not do anything that involves 'trying' when we're dealing with the largest predator to ever walk the Earth." She looked around, taking further stock of the situation. "Sayori's pretty far out on a limb, so it would be dangerous to try and climb out there to help her. We don't want to fall."

"Oh… yeah, I guess you're right." Chito lowered her gaze. "Then what are we going to do?"

Yuri looked down at the ground at the Tyrannosaurus' feet. "Um… we're going to… uh…"

"NATSUKI PUNCH!"

Natsuki appeared, punching her fist into the dinosaur's leg. It turned to face her, looking down at her tiny frame. It opened its mouth and, a second later, Natsuki was gone. Yuri turned pale, Sayori screamed, and Chito started crying. Then the T-Rex exploded, chunks of meat and bone flying in every direction. The heavy head hit the ground and the legs fell away from each other as the tail flopped around, everything twitching from the sudden disconnect from the brain.

A tall, powerful Natsuki stood in its place, covered in red from her head to her toe. She wiped the red from her face. "I need to stop being the one who gets slimed." She was already shrinking down to her normal size as she spoke. "Okay, everyone! It's safe to come out!"

Yuri and Chito climbed down from the tree, and Sayori dropped to the ground where she went into the mud up to her knees. Yuri pulled Sayori out, then quickly went about trying in vain to dry out her book. They started looking around them in earnest, hoping that the others were somewhere nearby. As it was, Natsuki was their only defense. They desperately needed Vezon and Ford back, and they were all worried about Monika.

Sayori, covered in mud, decided it was her job to lead. She chose a direction and started running, waving at the others to follow her. "Come on! We can't stay here!"

Literally on the other side of the next tree in the direction Sayori had started running, the others were standing on top of a ridge. Monika turned back to look at them and waved. They climbed up the ridge to Monika's side and found themselves looking out over a vast valley of green. It stole their breath away, especially Chito's.

"Where are we?"

Vezon started counting off his fingers the possibilities. "Several million years in the past, Jurassic Park, Dinosaur Planet, the Great Valley… who knows, who cares? I'd like to spend as little time here as possible."

Chito was overwhelmed by it all. "Where I come from, there's not enough life. Here, there's too much."

Vezon nodded. "I'm starting to understand what Thanos was talking about."

"Who." Monika looked up at him questioningly.

He just shrugged. "Come on. At what point are you guys gonna start getting that I make pop references like it's breathing? I'm like Deadpool in that respect."

Sayori pumped her fist in the air. "I loved that movie!"

Ford shook his head. "I can't imagine a Deadpool movie working."

Monika shrugged. "Eh, it was pretty good."

"Really?" Ford looked thoughtful. "I'll have to see it sometime."

Vezon produced a DVD box from somewhere in his cape. "Got a TV and a DVD player?"

"No way, really?" Ford shook his head and started laughing.

Yuri leaned in to take a look at the plastic box. "You happen to have this one movie. Why? How?"

"Look, I just do what I tell myself to do. I don't really think things out." Vezon hid the movie away in his cape, and none of them were really sure if he had pockets or something. "And right now, my me is saying to get a velociraptor. Well, a deinonychus, but what you're thinking of when I say velociraptor."

Sayori looked out over the green sea of trees, then looked up to Vezon. "Why is your you saying to get that?"

"Because having a dinosaur would be badass. We could put a saddle on it and one of you could ride it. Preferably while holding a flamethrower."

Ford nodded. "That sounds really impractical, as well as impossible, but also really cool."

Natsuki let out a huff. "Boys."

Vezon eyed her sideways. "Did you just assume my-"

Interrupting everyone's thoughts, a gigantic winged creature swooped down from overhead and wrapped its clawed feet around Sayori's shoulders, lifting her off the ground and flying away. Startled, none of them were quick enough to grab hold of her or the reptile, and soon it was well out of their reach. Sayori's shouts to them were already too distant to make out.

Vezon waved at everyone to get behind him. "Don't worry, I'll knock it out of the sky with my laser eyes!" He stared at the pteranodon, but all it did was let go of her. They watched as she fell several hundred feet into the jungle below. "Oh, yeah, that's right. All I have is future vision." The mirage disappeared and they saw that it was still holding on to her.

And then it dropped her for real.

* * *

"Oh, poor soul. You have died a tragic death."

Sayori looked up. All around her was darkness, save for the beautiful lady in front of her. Seated in a regal throne of sorts, her long blue hair falling down around her shoulders. She was wearing a wondrously beautiful dress, and her hands were clasped in front of her like a prayer.

The woman's eyes opened. "And so you pass to the next world. Poor young soul taken too soon."

Sayori pulled herself up to her feet. "I'm… dead?"

"Yes." She bowed her head apologetically. "You were dropped from the sky by a terrifying pteranodon. But that world is behind you now. Ahead of you is a choice. You may ascend to heaven, or…"

"Or?" Sayori wasn't sure how she felt about the 'or'. There was really only one 'or' to heaven so far as she knew, and it wasn't a great choice.

She leaned in close to Sayori, whispering like it was a secret. "Well, to be honest, heaven is really boring. I'd take this other choice. It's really fun. There's a whole other world I can reincarnate you in, but there's more! I can give you a special item or power! Anything you can think of or want! Any one thing you desire to take with you!"

Sayori stepped back, clearing out her ear, since the girl had quickly gone from whispering to shouting in excitement. "Anything I want? Gee, there's a lot of things I want. I suppose I shouldn't waste this opportunity on a cookie, though."

"Well, whatever you pick, don't take too long. I've got a lot of souls to redirect." The beautiful lady lounged back in her seat and pulled out a bag of chips, opening it noisily.

Sayori perked up. "Ooh, can I have one?"

"Is that your wish?"

"No."

"Then no."

Sayori looked dejected.

"Can you just pick something already?"

"Hmm…" Sayori looked around, trying to think of what she wanted the most. Then it hit her. "Oh, I know!"

There was a moment of silence, and then, "And…?"

"I want to be able to teleport to wherever my friends are!"

"Okay." The lady paused. "I feel like that breaks the rules somehow, but I'm not sure how, so it's probably nothing. Your wish is granted!"

"Yay!"

And in a bright flash of light, Sayori disappeared.

* * *

"Come on! She landed over here!" Monika rushed recklessly through the jungle toward the spot she saw Sayori fall through the treetops. "She could be hurt or in danger! We have to get there faster!"

Natsuki shouted ahead to Monika from several dozen meters back. "Stop running! You're gonna get yourself killed! You're going to run into a velociraptor or something and it's gonna kill you!"

Monika ignored her, and then immediately ran into a clearing where she found herself surrounded by velociraptors. "Oh shit!"

Natsuki ran in behind her, bumping into her back. "Ow! You fuck- oh shit!"

Yuri ran in behind her, bumping into Natsuki into Monika. "Oof! Oh shit!"

Ford and Chito managed to stop just before the clearing. Ford lifted his weapon up, aiming it at the raptors. Another one appeared beside him. "Oh… shit."

Vezon walked up behind them. "I don't think we're going to stay much longer, really. Let's just get a deinonychus and leave." A swirling red portal appeared in the air in front of Vezon. "Oh. Shit."

Sayori came flying out of the portal, screaming at the top of her lungs. "OH SHIIIIIT!" She collided with the raptor next to Ford, sending it flying to the other side of the clearing. Jumping back to her feet, she spotted the others. "I made it back! Yay!"

One of the raptors, a large female with a blue streak along its back, ran around the other girls and leaped on to Sayori, knocking her to the ground. Natsuki grabbed the raptor, her small body exploding into the muscled titan she could now become, and threw the dinosaur away. Monika and Yuri ran back to the safety of Vezon, grabbing Sayori's hands and dragging her behind them. Ford and Chito retreated to their tower of safety as well.

The raptors circled, coming in from every direction. Vezon swatted them away, punching on or two of them. Yuri slashed a the air with her knives, but couldn't quite reach their attackers. Natsuki shrunk back down to her normal size, and she and Sayori shielded Chito from the danger around them. Ford fired into the green around them, though he was conscious of how little ammo he had left and the fact that he wasn't likely to hit them with how fast they were moving.

Vezon growled through the noise of the fight. "How much longer are we going to be here?"

Monika crawled under the bottom of his cape and climbed up his back, looking at the glowing blue timer under the back edge of the mask. "It's… oh dear. We've got ten seconds!"

Hearing Monika's warning, Natsuki and Sayori grabbed hold of Vezon's leg, hugging Chito between them. Ford backed up and linked arms with Yuri. Yuri's face turned red, but she managed to reach out behind her and grab Natsuki's shoulder.

Natsuki shouted back to Monika. "We're ready!"

Five seconds remaining. Monika looked around to see the raptors circling. Soon, they would be clueless as to how their prey had escaped. Then, through the underbrush and tall ferns, Monika saw the large female running towards Vezon's back. Her eyes went wide as it jumped in the air, aiming to land right on top of her. The beast landed on Vezon's back, its weight pressing down on top of Monika, and-

* * *

*pop*

Eight bodies of various size fell to the ground with a crash.

Monika pulled herself up, aware that they still had a velociraptor among them. She looked around for the dangerous reptile, hoping Vezon was already dealing with it. Instead, she saw the creature looking around in confusion and fright. It had just been transported away from everything it knew in an instant and now it was… where were they?

It was dark and damp, with a pale fog rolling around them, but very clearly they were in a town of some sort. There were buildings on either side of them, and they could see a cobblestone street at one end of the alley. The other end of the alley was obscured by a blue police box, which told Monika where they were.

"London? We're in London?"

Vezon stood up slowly. "Really? I've already been here. Hasn't changed at all."

The air was suddenly filled with the sound of air raid sirens. Behind the loud blaring, they could hear the approach of noisy airplane engines. The cacophony only served to frighten the raptor more. Naturally, it worried all of them. Monika doubted even Vezon could take a direct hit from bombs dropped from an airplane. She didn't want to think of what would happen if one hit her.

"Yeah… hasn't changed a bit."

Ford backed away from the raptor, but it seemed like it wasn't interested in them anymore. Nevertheless, he grabbed Sayori and pulled her behind Vezon, keeping his weapon trained on the dinosaur. "Did someone say London? You said your mask just makes portals through space, right? If this is London, then how did we go back to the second world war?"

Natsuki had retreated to the police box with Chito and was trying to get inside. "Come on, we have to get to shelter! Someone help me open this!"

Monika looked around for Yuri, only to find her on the ground, knocked out from hitting her head. "Oh, that's great." She hauled her friend up and dragged her away from the open street, towards the police box. "He's right, this has got to be World War II. The Germans are bombing London right now. Are you sure your mask doesn't transport us through time as well?"

Vezon wasn't answering. He was eyeing the blue police box with suspicion. "I think… we should probably go somewhere a little different. You realize what this is, right?"

Ford turned and looked it up and down briefly. "Yeah, it's a police box. What's your point? You get in trouble with the law last time you were here?"

"Uh… not any Earth laws, anyway. Well, maybe immigration." He shook his head. "This is the Tardis. It, uh… it's a space ship. Kind of." Upon hearing those words, everyone stopped and stared at him in disbelief. He glared at the raptor. "Oh, stop it, you didn't understand any of that."

As if in admission of its lack of comprehension, the raptor was the first to look away.

Sayori looked at it, very interested, but only marginally more comprehending than the dinosaur. "So it's a spaceship. Not very aerodynamic."

"It also goes through time. Or, well, it did… until I kind of stole the thing that makes it do anything."

…

"Vezon, why would you do that?"


	7. Platypus (I Hate You)

Monika hit the ground. Hard. Yuri, still unconscious, landed on top of her. Sayori landed on top of Yuri. Natsuki landed on top of Sayori. Chito landed on top of Natsuki, bouncing off the pile and landing nearby on her own. Vezon, Ford, the raptor, and another man landed around them. The resulting cloud of dust filling the air from all of this was enormous.

The other man jumped up and pointed a strange wand-like item of his at Vezon. "Return the Eye of Harmony! Now!"

Vezon wasn't sure if he was really in danger, but just in case, he held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I get why you're mad, Doc. But I don't have it anymore. I sold it. I can point you to the guy who bought it, or…" He reached into his cape.

The man waved the stick threateningly. "Keep your hands where I can see them!"

"Okay, that's fine too. But, uh…" Vezon slowly moved his hands back into plain sight. "Well, I could give you the beans he gave me as part of the trade, but they turned into a giant beanstalk and I promptly fucked off."

"Enough of this! Who did you sell it to?"

D-OOF!

A large blue brick of a man came out of nowhere and slammed into him, knocking him down to the ground and, apparently, unconscious. Standing up, the man in blue dusted himself off and shouldered his weapon, a large assault rifle. He pointed down at the unconscious Doctor and cautioned him unnecessarily with a stern voice.

"Don't. Ever. Threaten. My. Friends."

Vezon, Chito, the raptor, and Ford stared on in disbelief, while the girls untangled themselves. Vezon's mind raced through as many possibilities as it could, got sidetracked in fifteen different ways, forgot what it was doing, shut down, restarted, noticed the man in blue all over again, and finally thought of something to say.

"Well met, my good man! What bringeth thee to cross thine path with mine own?"

The raptor, for its part, was utterly bewildered by all of this, but had stopped trying to keep track of where they were immediately after they all disappeared from London.

The man in blue armor turned to them and… "Hello."

Ford coughed, clearing his throat before addressing him. "Do you… know us? You called us your friends."

Monika finally got up, wiping down her school uniform. She looked up to see the man. "Who are you?"

"Oh! Ah, how rude of me! You all knew my name last time, so I didn't introduce myself."

…

"And?"

"Oh! Right, I forgot to introduce myself! How rude of me!"

Natsuki pulled herself up just in time to hear his inane rambling. "The hell is going on?"

Monika shook her head. "He says he knows us, apparently."

Ford stepped forward cautiously. "You know who I am, right?"

"You're Ford."

"I'll be damned. He does know us."

Vezon was skeptical at best. "What about the rest of us?"

"Oh, right. Yes, I remember all of you." He started going around the circle, nodding to them in turn. "You're Squid Girl, Cheese Puffs, Nazi-Zika, Justin Trudeau, Blue, Yaoi, and a vegan."

Natsuki crossed her arms, making an X shape. "Very wrong."

Monika let out a defeated sigh. "Well, he's seen us before, that's for sure. He's just really stupid and has gotten our names so confused I don't even know who half of them are supposed to be."

He nodded. "Thank you."

Sayori looked to Monika. "Which ones did you get?"

"Well, I mean, I'm obviously Squid Girl, though I'm loath to admit it. You know… 'Ika'? And I'm sure at least Natsuki gets the leap from Yuri to Yaoi."

Natsuki grumbled unhappily. "Chito is Cheese Puffs."

Vezon shrugged. "The Nazi-Zika one is obviously Natsuki."

Natsuki fixed him with a furious glare. "I. AM. NOT."

Ford glanced back at Vezon. "I bet you're the vegan."

"I'm not a vegan, but I'll take it. It's marginally better than being called Justin Trudeau." Vezon looked at Sayori. "And, I guess that means you're Justin Trudeau."

Monika turned to address the blue man, only to find him talking to the raptor. "What?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. My friends never take me where I want to go either. Like the other day? Grif said we were going to go get pizza, and then I had to go pee in a glowing lake, and now we're traveling through time to try and get back to the pizza place."

The raptor snapped at him, biting his shoulder.

He just sighed. "Yeah, me too, Blue."

Monika just stared on in disbelief. "Now I'm disturbed on a number of levels." She reached out, ignoring the raptor, and tapped the man's shoulder. "So, um, what's your name? So we know next time we meet." Which she realized would be in his past, but their future.

Virtually ignoring the raptor gnawing on his arm, he… probably smiled. This whole time, he had been wearing a large, heavy-looking suit of blue armor. The helmet was complete with a bulbous golden visor, so they couldn't see any of his features. They didn't even really know for sure he was human, they just sort of assumed. Maybe that was jumping to conclusions, but until they knew otherwise… Regardless, he answered, finally, telling them his name.

"My name is Michael J. Caboose." He nodded his head, and his tone made them wonder if he was proud to have remembered his full name.

Although, Monika suspected that he had no idea what the 'J' stood for. She wasn't going to pry, though. "Okay, Michael?"

"Caboose."

"What?"

"All my friends call me Caboose."

"Oh. So, Michael, we're going to go now. Can you keep that guy and the raptor here while we leave?"

"What guy?"

"The guy you knocked out."

"What guy?"

"The guy on the ground?"

"What guy?"

"You know… The Doctor."

"…What Doctor?"

"Come on, I set that up perfectly, work with me here."

"…Doctor what?"

"Goddamnit, Caboose!"

Vezon grabbed Monika's collar. "We're going now. Leave the blue-tard and let's go."

*pop*

Caboose was now standing alone in the middle of a box canyon. Well, almost alone. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Yuri woke up. "…Where the fuck am I?"

* * *

This time, upon landing, our heroes managed to luck upon a smooth curve that slid them down to the safety of ground level. Bolting upright and looking around, Sayori immediately identified the object they were on.

"A half-pipe? What are the odds?"

Vezon got up and looked around, though admittedly only in one direction. Ahead of him was a deep, dark forest. It was clearly nighttime, and all manner of unwanted noises were coming from the dark. He could already hear someone sneaking through the shroud of the night towards them. He couldn't imagine it being anything bad, if recent experience had taught him anything. And lo and behold, it was a mere platypus. He reached down and picked it up by the tail.

It quacked at him.

"We're in Australia."

Glancing around, Monika performed a quick head count. "Oh… oh no. Oh no! We forgot Yuri! She's still back with that dinosaur!"

Sayori casually opened a swirling red portal and disappeared through it. The portal vanished behind her, and only a couple seconds later, another one appeared and Sayori returned through it, dragging a dazed and confused Yuri behind her. The raptor followed after them.

Sayori saluted. "All team members present and accounted for!"

Monika didn't seem all that impressed though. "Why did you bring the raptor?!"

"I couldn't just leave her there!"

The raptor nodded. "Master Caboose bestowed upon me the ability to communicate with Humans. As such, I have decided to travel with you as your companion."

Sayori squealed in delight. "It's exactly what our team needed! Another girl!"

"It's not a girl!" Monika shouted, flailing her arms in the air. "It's a terror monster of death!"

Vezon produced a large gun from his cape. "I'll trade you."

Sayori put her hands on her hips in defiance. "You can't trade a gun for a person! Even if that person _is_ a dinosaur!"

"Yeah, but I want it." He held out the weapon to Sayori. "And you want this."

"No I don't want it, Vezon! And _she_ has a name!"

"So does this. I call her Vera."

Ford cut in. "You stole that from Firefly."

Vezon shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't kill any of them when I stole it."

"That's not what I meant. What did you… oh no…"

"That does it!" Natsuki grabbed the gun from Vezon, wrapping her suddenly gigantic hand around it, and threw it far into the woods.

Vezon fell to his knees, stretched his arms out to the sky, and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Veeeerrrraaaaa!"

Natsuki flicked him, sending him tumbling head over heels. "Quiet down. It's just a gun."

He jumped up, cracking his knuckles as he circled around her, ready for a fight. "It wasn't just a gun. It was a big gun! Huge! Frankly, the biggest!"

Natsuki flexed.

"Okay, you win, those guns are bigger." Vezon, kind of surprisingly, kind of not, gave up instantly.

The lull in the conflict allowed Monika to return to her own conflict with Sayori, the raptor-lover. "Sayori, put that thing back where it came from or so help me-"

"Who is shouting my name at midnight hour in woods behind camp?"

They all froze. Someone had found them.

Vezon turned to face the newcomer. "Uh, hi, yeah, we're just passing through. Nothing to see here. We're not intruding at all or…" He looked down at the small frame of the person before him. "Um, hi, uh, let's start over. I'm Vezon. I like long walks and Adam Sandler movies. Everyone, introduce yourself."

Everyone did.

"Oh, right, um, I'm Monika. I play the piano and I like coding."

"Lieutenant Ford, United States Marines."

"I'm Yuri… I have abandonment issues right now."

"My name is Chito. I have abandonment issues too."

The platypus quacked.

Natsuki shrunk back to normal size. "I, uh… I'm Natsuki. Manga is literature."

"I am called Blue. My interests are geopolitical negotiations and neuroscience."

There was an uncomfortable silence. And then "Hi, I'm Sayori, and uh… hmm… I don't think I've ever eaten a fish."

The girl before them didn't seem fazed or even impressed by any of that. She nodded thoughtfully. "I see." She looked to Ford. "You say you are United States Marine, no?"

He nodded, unsure why he was the one she'd singled out. "You sound Russian."

Vezon held up a finger. "Yeah, about that. What are the Russians doing in Australia?"

"What makes you think we're in Australia?" Ford felt like everything was going too fast for him to keep up. If he'd missed a critical thing like that, he was hopeless in this situation. Vezon simply pointed to the platypus on the ground next to him. It quacked. "Oh." Now he was very unsure about everything.

Monika watched as a crafty grin crept across this strange Russian girl's face. "What are you smiling about?"

The smile disappeared. "Nothing. I just remember joke, is all. Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Vera, and yes you are in Australia, as you were able to tell from famous Australia wildlife before you. I am merely Russian exchange camper at this camp in Australia, which is not in America. At all."

Sayori leaned in close to the girl, squinting hard at her. "Something's fishy about you."

"Why do you keep talking about fish?"

Sayori jumped back, pointing an accusing finger at Vera. "She's a Russian spy! You can tell by the accent!"

Vera frowned, but a little bead of sweat was starting to form on the side of her head. "No, I am not… I am not Russian spy. I am happy child exchange camper. In Australia."

"I bet you cut to the front of the breadline, you commie fuck!"

"That is grave insult in my country."

"Rambo shoulda finished you all off!"

"I feel you are being racist."

"You probably trade a Pidgey for Legendaries! Never trust the red menace! Better dead than communist!"

"That is last straw. I only traded Pidgey for pseudo-legendary."

Monika tried to calm Sayori down. "I think you're going off a bit much. I think something's off about her too, but you don't have to cause such a fuss."

Sayori continued unabated. "We should feed her to the fishes! Tie her up and torture information out of her! Find out who she's working for! There's always a bigger fish!"

Vera shook her head. "I have been trained to resist all forms of torture."

Blue tapped Vezon on the shoulder casually. "This clock on the back of your head? It says ten seconds."

"Oh, thanks." A few seconds passed. "Oh yeah."

Yuri took Monika's and Chito's hands. Chito grabbed Ford's hand. Ford grabbed Natsuki's hand. Monika grabbed Sayori's hand. Natsuki grabbed Blue's hand. Blue grabbed Vezon's hand. Vezon scooped up the platypus. Sayori grabbed Vera's hand.

"Argh! Release me! I do not consent!"

Sayori's eyes met Vera's, the look on her face dead serious. "Caught like a fish on a hook."

"Why are you obsessed with-"

* * *

*pop*

"FIIIIIIIISH!"

"-fish?"

The whole lot of them had appeared in the center of a room, apparently disrupting whatever the occupants of the room had been doing. Six highly startled men stared at them, and similarly surprised, they just stared back. Four of the men immediately booked it for the door, all shouting "Oh shit!" in their own way. Then there were two.

Ford looked behind him at one of the two men remaining. "…Why aren't you running?"

He just shrugged. "I dunno. Yolo, I guess." It didn't seem like he was especially concerned.

The last man, who was sitting on the couch next to the door, let out a defeated sigh and stood up. "Well, that was spectacular. What are we doing, then?"

Vezon cocked his head to the side curiously. "We just randomly appeared right in front of you and you're not even shocked? Not even a little scared of me? Look at me, you really aren't scared."

He shook his head. "Look, I've got kids. Nothing scares me anymore." He looked over them all for a moment, taking in their appearances. "Interesting… You can travel through space _and_ time. I'd really like that power."

"Yeah." Vezon stared at him coldly. "No. I get this power from the mask stuck to my head, and it's fused on there."

"Fine then. I'll just have to pry it from your cold dead head."

Monika jumped in between them, holding her hands out to try and keep them apart. "Hold on! We don't want to fight! We can take you with us if you-" The man grabbed Monika's outstretched arm and threw her away. She crashed through a desk, then the wall, and continued on out of sight.

The other man piped up. "Holy shit, you destroyed Gavin's desk!"

"Monika!" Sayori ran after her friend.

Yuri grabbed Chito's hand and pulled her after Sayori, climbing through the hole in the wall. Vera followed, slipping through the hole to escape what she sensed was going to be a harrowing battle. Blue prepared to pounce, toe claws clicking anxiously. Ford aimed his P90, centering on the man's chest. Natsuki pounded her fists together, her body transforming into it's muscle-bound form.

Vezon cracked his neck, then his knuckles. "I think you'll find that, unlike Sonic, I don't chuckle."

The man raised one eyebrow and snarked, "I prefer cackling, myself."

* * *

Outside, in the parking lot, Sayori reached where Monika had landed, embedded in the side of a car. "Monika, are you alright?" She doubted Monika was alright.

Monika groaned. She could feel the warmth of fresh blood running down her face, as well as everywhere else. She was a real mess at the moment. She could hear Sayori's voice. "What happened?" She tried to get up, but a blazing pain shocked her entire body. She cried out and fell back.

Sayori took her hand, giving it a light squeeze. "You'll be okay. We'll get you some medical attention and heal you up next stop. Promise."

Yuri ran over with Chito and Vera following her. "Holy shit! That guy threw Monika through a wall! What the fuck is going on? How did he do that?"

The wall of the building, sporting a Monika-sized hole, suddenly exploded outward, gaining a new Vezon-sized hole where the Monika-sized hole had been. He crashed to the ground next to them. Blue and Ford flew out after him and hit the ground, though with less force. It seemed they hadn't been thrown with as much effort. The raptor scrambled up onto her feet, and the soldier slowly pulled himself up as well. Vezon let out a groan that sounded like giant metal gears grinding against each other. Without a word, he rolled over and pushed himself up.

With a mighty shout, Natsuki came rocketing out of the building with the madman in hand. She landed in front of them and smashed his head into the ground. "Don't hurt my friends!" She raised her fists up over her head and shouted at him. "NO BULLY!" She brought her fists down, and they both vanished inside the resulting cloud of dust and dirt flying through the air.

Blue clicked her claws against the ground and mused. "She has such power inside her. How did this come to be?"

"It's, uh… it's a long story." Yuri coughed, half turning away. "That has absolutely nothing to do with me in any way."

As the dust settled, Natsuki felt her muscles relaxing and shrinking back to normal size. She let out the breath she'd been holding. "I don't think I can take any more blood on my hands." She held up her hands and turned them over. There was no blood. "What?"

"My turn."

"Shit!"

He grinned madly at her, his face utterly unscathed. Exactly what she'd been aiming to turn to pulp, totally unmarred. He rammed his fist into her stomach, and she felt the impact ripple through her body for a split second before she was launched into the sky. The others watched helplessly as she disappeared from view entirely.

Blue looked back down to the man. "He's got more power."

Ford backed away, keeping his P90 trained on their foe. "You don't say."

Yuri fainted.

He stood up. Cackling, as he had indicated he had a tendency for, the man raised his hands up over his head. "Behold! And tremble before the might of the Dark God Ryan!"

"Metal man. Why are you having clock inside of head?"

Vezon looked over his shoulder to see Vera. "Oh, uh, you're still here?" She shrugged. "Hmm, well, that's the countdown until the next time we jump."

"Then clock is saying there is fifteen seconds remaining."

Ford overheard and quickly turned to Sayori. "Can you get Natsuki back?"

"On it!" She vanished into a portal. She appeared in the air high in the atmosphere, right above Natsuki, who was just about at the arc of her flight. "Perfect! Hold on, Natsuki!" She formed another portal, and the two of them fell through together, landing on the ground next to Yuri.

They started reaching out and connecting with everyone else so that none of them would be left behind. Sayori pulled Natsuki and Yuri close to her and reached out to Chito, who took her hand and Monika's. Ford and Blue connected on either side of Vezon, with Ford grabbing Vera's hand, who then grabbed Monika's other hand. Monika had no part in this, as she'd slipped out of consciousness, laying in the crushed car. The platypus jumped up onto Vezon's leg, climbing as it snarled and hissed at him.

It was time to go.

The Dark God Ryan rushed them. "You will not escape me!"

* * *

*squeak*  
*pop*  
*boop*

Approximately eleven rubber balls of varying size bounced along the deck on the bridge of the Heart of Gold.


End file.
